Back To The Toolbox! Yay!

So much has happened in the world of Reality Television that it's bled over to the "real" world. I've said many times before that Megan Hauserman did not deserve her show, nobody wants to watch her promote her materialism and giving her a murder of millionaires (get it? a group of crows is a... ah, if I gotta explain it, it ain't funny... too soon, maybe?) to pick over was a bad idea, and then she proves to be such a fantastic judge of character that one of her victims/finalists turned out to be a jealous, sadistic, homicidal nutjob does not surprise me in the least. I don't want to say that her or Jasmine deserve to be murdered, but when you judge people you want to marry primarily on the money they make, what do you think you're going to end up with? Bernie Madoff was insanely rich by taking advantage of people. Don't you know the old adage, people? Somewhere behind every great fortune, is a great crime. But regardless, we were provided the mercy of Megan's show being cancelled. Sorry someone had to die for that to happen. If you check the Fame-Clock on Hauserman, she should be at 14 mins and 45 seconds, right?

My lovely wifey pulled me up for ripping on "Real Chance Of Love 2: Back in the Saddle" and said that if I continued to lob shots in their direction, she'd call me out on it. I'm kinda torn on it because she used my own words against me. I'm a huge "Heroes" fan, and I hate it when people watch the show and come on the 'Net to rip it down. She's right, so I'm not even going to waste my time blasting the show. I'll just say I hope it gets cancelled... soon.

So let me move on to something I do love.... Tool Academy. Oh man, the first season was a blast. I didn't think that show would be as fun as it was, but it is the best. I'm going to label the first decade of the new millenium the Decade of the Douchebag. I feel so sorry for people still in the dating world because there are slim pickings out there, and some of these "men" are just... fucking... terrible. So someone gets the idea to create a chance for these morons to get a clue, become good boyfriends, and earn $100,000 in the process. Oh, it's a formula for success.

I have to state publically that I don't watch these shows the same way everyone else does. While I revel in the drama, there are other aspects of the show that I use to test my abilities. Like reading people... these guys are being dropped in situations where they have to think fast and come up with some pretty creatives lies and explanations for what they are doing. I use it to see how people act/respond when they have to lie or try to deceive someone. These guys are all walking cautionary tales.

The guy pictured above is Josh, the epitome of Douchebaggery and the first contestant eliminated from Tool Academy. This Jerk-Off basically blames his girl for everything that's wrong in their relationship and is totally incapable of admitting to himself or anyone that he's a complete Tool. His elimination was one of the worst I've ever seen on ANY show. At the end of the show (if eliminated) you walk out the door of the mansion where all the women wait to see who was judged to be "Just a tool" as the tagline of the show goes... The woman then has the choice of leaving with her Craftsman or dumping him on the spot. This dude flat-out refused to walk out the door. The host was screaming "Get THE FUCK OUT!" at the top of his lungs, and security said they would physically remove him from the premises. All the girlfriends were outside trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Jamie, his poor stupid girlfriend finally went inside to get him. He tells her "You are making me look SO bad right now." and "Say 'I love you', just keep saying that..." The only thing he wanted was to not look like an ass. It was hilarious. This guy is on national tv, totally oblivious to the fact that he looks like an elephant turd, and somehow thinks he can spin this to look favorable in some shape or form. Wow. I'm blown away. I was not, however, surprised that she got in the car with him and left. Good luck, Jamie. You got one real piece of shit on your hands.

Tool Academy is my healthy reminder of everything I don't want to do, what I don't want to be, and how lucky I am that I retired from my Tool-ish behavior. Can't wait for the next ep. It's the "Fidelity" episode. I know a bit about that one... Seriously, I can't wait.

Real Chance Of Bullsh*t Episode 2

Okay, continuing to underwhelm, the 2nd episode of "Real Chance Of Love 2: Back In The Saddle" proved my initial summary: you really don't care about these girls. They don't have any personality. They actually seem like (poor) copies of the previous cast. The thing that strikes me is how Real and Chance are trying so hard to seem "sincere" and say things like "Girl, this ain't no game, I'm here looking for looooooove." Every time they say that, I think I'll start a drinking game. Every time they say they are "looking for love" or "keeping it real", I'ma take a drink. I'll need a new liver before they get to the finale.

Okay, so I've learned a few names, because there's a few odd cookies out there. Pocahontas is Real's new favorite, but she's a dark-haired version of M.I.L.F., and she's getting all the hate that comes with that. Wiggly is quite strange, she's somewhat attractive, but so obviously out of her league/element dealing with the women of reality tv. She was the one that got the boot this week. The other girls are rather unimpressive, whether we are talking personality or looks. There's not one person you hated like you did for Kiki, or that makes you laugh like So Hood or Risky, or that you rooted for as an underdog like K.O., there is no connection. This show is so obviously wrong. It's like they didn't even have a chance @ a run like 'Rock of Love' or 'Flavor of Love'. But I shouldn't even expect that, right?

I mean, Real and Chance's claim to fame is being rejected by New York (ew, I'd be grateful), then being played out on "I Love Money." Like everyone else, I felt bad for Real being jilted by Hoopz, but it ain't like he didn't know she had a boyfriend, nimrod. I never liked Chance, thought he was a jerk on "I Love New York", he was a jerk on "I Love Money", an even bigger jerk on his own show, and hasn't really changed. Sadly, instead of Chance becoming more like Real, it's been the exact opposite. It's like watching the monkey/man graphic for evolution in reverse.

I know there's no chance of the show being cancelled before the conclusion, but I hope that the guys over @ 51 Minds Productions understand that the train on Real & Chance has very much passed. I can't fault them for going back into the well, because the surprise hit to me was "Daisy Of Love", I initially said, "No way I watch this crap..." but I also said that about "Tool Academy", which turned out to be EXCELLENT for all the right and wrong reasons. The only show that was a 100%, straight-up-and-down, sure-to-suck failure has been "Megan Wants A Millionaire." This girl was hated from "Rock Of Love", even more hated from "I Love Money", and then finally culminated her rise to infamy by pushing Sharon Osbourne to get a slice of her ass for calling Ozzy a "burned-out, drug addict has-been" Why do we want to watch this girl get a millionaire? And what millionaire in his right mind would want her trife ass?

But I'm all-off-track in my first edition of "Reality Bytes", we were talking about the 2nd ep of RCOL2.... which is actually very easy to forget. Nothing's happening on this show. Ding-dong challenge? A prom? Forreal-forreal, this is horrible. I just want to watch to see how Real and Chance make excuses for this not working, because there's no way this works. The whole batch of women is bad, and only going to get progressively worse the longer they are around one another. The only thing that made the 1st show even remotely watchable was the beatdown, and since then, it's been dead.

Like I said, I don't want to wear the H8Ter hat prematurely, because I hated on Daisey, and ended up loving her hot-mess of a show, same thing with "Tool Academy", but this.... shit... is... just... not... good. It should be on BET. These two guys should disappear soon.

Treat the Stallionaires like the lame horse they are, shoot them in the field and call it a day. Stop wasting everybody time with those two overexposed negroes.

-ere'bodee's favorite mega, blogninja

Watching Bad Reality Television, so you don't have to!! =)